I am the pebble you kicked off the ground,
The lamppost you stood beside at,
The crumpled paper in the bin.

I am the bus ride you failed to catch,
The bottlecap left on the table,
I am the lightbulb flickering in your room.

I am the picture you left to burn.
I am the letter you never meant to send.

I am everything you chose to ignore.

I used to be everything you once had.

I.
autumn_is_near, July 07, 2011

 Eventually,

the light will fade into a faint bright
brought upon the moving vehicle's headlights

And you, fall into a daze

Sweet dreams, my friend.

25 April 2011
1:29am
Bus ride to Baguio

Lame attempt at poetry. I am not confident with these things.
Also, please remember why you loved me.

Academic year just ended and times like these call for some self-evaluation, in order to prepare myself for greater times ahead. Looking back, I am happy to find out that I have actually realized some of my goals which are: spending less time with the internet & reading more books. Yesterday, although I am on the verge of falling dead asleep, I managed to jot down additional goals I would like to accomplish.

• Spoil my brothers a little. Buy them not-cheap but not-too-expensive stuff (of which I have no idea), treat them good food, and basically, let them experience things they should be experiencing at their age. I would have opted to giving them cash because that gesture seems to be simpler, but I don't want my money to be spent on DoTA, so.
• Have an active lifestyle. For me to start having an active lifestyle, I need the proper gear, so I will make sure that I spare some of my pay for buying running shoes. I have a friend who knows someone from Adidas, and hopefully, I can use this connection to get the long-coveted shoes with a good discount.
• Improve on being proactive. I am a self-confessed peacekeeper, not a peacemaker, and currently, I am working on having myself help solve things instead of keeping quiet and being glum about them. I know that I have good opinion on situations but I never really voice them out, just so I do not come off as a know-it-all and I can be on the safe side. However, I learned that standing up for things I believe in, is part of growing up, I might as well take the risk and deal with it.
• Open a bank account. Saving for me is a struggle especially when there are too many cute things to collect, fashionable clothes to wear and great books to read. To save, I must constantly make sure that the lifestyle I lead is within the borders of practicality. NO to impulse buying!

Setting goals are a constant reminder that there are things that needs improving and we can always accomplish with a great amount of effort.

I am currently reading Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity. From what I have read, the book is mainly about how rejections from past relationships affects one as a person that he is now.

I have a co-worker who is always psycho-analyzing me and he keeps on telling me that the main reason why I am not in a relationship now is that, my past relationships have greatly affected me. At first I thought it was a complete bullshit and I always tell this co-worker that I am only waiting for the right guy (sounds cliche, I know) but halfway through reading High Fidelity I realized, it’s true isn’t it? These ex-es really fucked us, in one way or another. Not that I am angry with any of my ex-es, though.

Upon accepting this realization, I wonder, how do I get out of this predicament? I have forgiven, I have accepted, and more importantly, I have moved on, but how do I get out of this labryinth of bittersweet experiences? The long road of nostalgia is surely not a good path to walk to.

I think I have to finish the book to get some answers. Or maybe I should stop over-analyzing things. I think it’s best if I do both.

Spend less time in the internet
This is the root of all unproductivity! Once I sit down in front of the computer, I lose track time of the time (well, not really). It is just that, the web is so awesome to spend less time with it.

Read more
This resolution has been in my list for around three years now but still I haven't been succesful in accomplishing this. The internet is to be blamed because, believe me, I spend time in the internet way too much. So another year, another opportunity to read/finish the books in my shelf.

Save!
Money will never run out but your source, aka the job, may be gone. You may not be re-hired. You may get laid off. These things can happen! I sound paranoid, but I haven't proven anything yet when it comes to career, so I better have a back-up plan. Just in case. And stick to the to-buy list. No to impulsive buying!

Gain weight
But not gain too much

Write more
Writing is one of my frustrations. It is also one of the reasons why I maintain a blog--this is the only place where I can write, basically about anything.

Be consistent
In doing the resolutions mentioned above.

And lastly, Be bad. Get caught. Make it count.
Definitely in 2011, problems will arise and mistakes will be committed. What is important is that, we learn. Being in the safe zone will not get anyone anywhere so this 2011, let's take more risks...


...AND MAKE THEM COUNT. Cheers!